Writer's Block: Of Motherhood and Motherland - Bushra Hassan

Earlier this month, the British High Commission refused my two year old a Visit visa. I was appalled. Can you imagine? The audacity of a people to consider themselves too superior for a two year old child. I was so upset, so furious, so sad that I decided not to spend my hard earned money on a UK holiday anyway. Then I read the letter, of why they refused her the visa. It was my own fault. I hadn’t provided a birth certificate, to prove that she is in fact my child.

This, has me in shock. I never thought, not once, that anyone could question that my daughter is mine. I carried her for nine months, gave birth to her, fed her and continue to nurture and love her, and yet some where, some one, needs proof? They were right, the High Commission, to raise this objection. Who knows how many children are kidnapped or trafficked this way? So, in principle, I agree. But emotionally, I am still jolted. I take for granted, this relationship between my daughter and I. It is so obvious, so real that I never really thought of proving it.

As I pondered over this, I thought of my mother, my mother’s mother and eventually this country that is our Motherland. How ashamed we are, of our green passports (especially when standing in queue for British and US visas)?

How many of us are moving to Canada, Australia, Malaysia, UK etc, simply because we do not own up to the country that is ours. The mother we belong to. Where we were born, who feeds us, carries us and nurtures us. This is our Mother and this is our Motherland. How many of us continue to love her like she deserves? How many of us, want to undo the Birth Certificate that calls us Pakistani citizens, the children of Pakistan, in search of a better life elsewhere?

I don’t question the need to leave Pakistan. Surely, all children must eventually distance themselves from their parents and live their own lives. I did this, soon, so will my own daughter. I also know that moving away, geographically, does not necessarily distance you from your country. In reality, we do not, can not, should not leave our mothers. If we try, it will disconnect us from who we are.

The mother and child relationship is understood best, when you are a mother. My brief disappointment by the BHC only strengthened my love for my own motherland. As a mother, I feel her grief, her sadness. In my case, a third party questioned my relationship to my child. In the case of Pakistan, many of her own children choose to/wish to disown her. Can we survive without the one who gave birth to us?

"We leave her when we refuse to take responsibility for her, when we abandon her, physically and emotionally. When we cross the signal at red light, when we don’t clean our neighbourhood areas, when we clash in streets and create chaos, when we waste resources and fruits when many of her children live in poverty."

Disowning does not occur by simply moving away, but by not working for her. I have family and friends abroad who are more patriotic than many of us who stay here. We leave her when we refuse to take responsibility for her, when we abandon her, physically and emotionally. When we cross the signal at red light, when we don’t clean our neighbourhood areas, when we clash in streets and create chaos, when we waste resources and fruits when many of her children live in poverty.

We abandon her, when we forget to love the rest of her children. As a mother, nothing hurts me more than when my daughter hurts herself or when she falls sick. Pakistan sees us hurting ourselves and each other everyday. In offices, in markets, in schools, even inside our homes, we fight, we quarrel, we lie and cheat. We are not the children a mother can be proud of.

How much do we really love our mother? In our hatred, contempt for our leaders, be they politicians or military personnel, we have confused the people who run the country from the people who make up our country. How capable are we of looking after our parents, and loving them and taking responsibility for them and ourselves? How hard do we work to make them proud? How much do we think before we choose to abandon them?

" Pakistan sees us hurting ourselves and each other everyday. In offices, in markets, in schools, even inside our homes, we fight, we quarrel, we lie and cheat. We are not the children a mother can be proud of."

I must thank the BHC officials for two things: a. For looking out for the interest of my child. They protect her and many other children like her through their rules. B. For reigniting my love for my motherland, my country. For reawakening my patriotic heart.

I remain assured that through the BHC, if not through the War in the North, many Pakistani hearts will find their way back home.


Images courtesy: bbc.co.uk, defence.pk, wwfpak.org, cleantech.com and flikr